There I stand, clutching an armful of warm, sweet-smelling sheets and pillowcases. My heart is filled with hope ’cause last time I looked, there was nothing on the bed but a mattress pad freshly swept of the cat dander that creeps between the layers of linen.
I round the corner and charge through the door. My heart sinks. The cat’s returned. He’s hunkered down in the middle of the bed, fanning out his–well, fanny-and he looks up at me as if to emphasize the fact that he’s there for the duration. He has a way of expanding his sizeable body so it strategically covers the most amount of real estate possible. This is where you need to Learn about mattresses that are there in the market that you can use in order to tackle this issue. Laweekly is also there to provide you with the best possible options at really affordable prices that you can choose from.
I smile and think, “How precious is he?”
That warm feeling passes in a heartbeat. I’m in for it. He knows it. Another Mexican standoff is at hand.
If you’ve walked in my little cat feet, listen up. Take advantage of my experience by adopting the following 10-step linen changing method developed after years of frustration. Follow each step and you’ll get that bed made. Eventually.
- Shake out the bottom fitted sheet and put a fist into the one seam. You’ll be attacking the bed in quadrants using a clever, stealthy strategy I’ve developed that keeps the frustration down and the progress up. On some occasions, the cat doesn’t notice the final elastic snap when the fourth corner is covered until it’s too late.
- Wrap the first bottom sheet corner over the mattress and quickly move down the side, pulling the fitted sheet taut so half of the bed has sorta been made. This is, of course, the point at which you may realize that you’re trying to pull the shorter bottom sheet down over the long side of the mattress. No worries. Pull the bottom sheet off and start again. Temporary setback.
- Put the pillowcases on the pillows. Why does this matter? Because in the game of outfoxing cats, immediate gratification can keep a cat parent from getting too discouraged. Besides, propping up the pillows against the headboard has been known to cause a cat to move, roll to one side or shift positions – a perfect opportunity for you to swoop in and snag another corner, bringing the total number of covered corners to three.
- Check the cat’s position. See if the elastic on the hem of the bottom sheet has disturbed him enough to focus his attention on you. More than likely he will only have lifted his head long enough to give you the Evil Eye, but a sheet changer’s gotta do what sheet changers gotta do. If you luck out and the cat slides over to avoid the elastic trap, sweep in, grab the fourth corner of the bottom sheet and yank it on. Smirk if you must.
- Do a little victory dance to celebrate getting the clean bottom sheet onto the mattress. Now, you can pull and tuck the edges in place as needed to create a smooth, even surface — with the exception of the bunch of wrinkled bottom sheet under the cat. At this point, try a diversion to force him to abandon his post by scooping his privy, filling his food bowl, or replenishing his water. You may not succeed if he’s dreaming or simply has no desire to abandon his post, so take a break and have some lunch.
- Return from lunch. Survey the bed. Likely you’ll find a fitted bottom sheet in place, two slipcovered pillows, and one cat. Stare at him. Dare him to move. Estimate his position on the bed: Has he moved even an inch? Chances are, he’s still in the center, which is exactly where you want him to be since putting on the top sheet is so much easier than starting stage two with the cat dangling off the side of the bed.
- Shake out the top sheet and ID the large hem destined for the area adjacent to the pillows. Make your move. Toss the top sheet into the air and watch it drift slowly to the half-made bed and the cat-like a diaphanous feather. Pat yourself on the back. It’s only been a few hours and your bed is nearly made. This is a great time to try shaking the treat canister.
- Study the way the cat has penetrated the top sheet with all 20 of his claws. Sweet boy. He’s daring you to challenge his right to nap on his back with his legs thrust into the air, but you don’t want to give in to his manipulative ways. Time to bring out the big guns. If your cat loves a good tummy tickle, slide your hand under the top sheet and bring it to rest on the belly you know and love.
- Withdraw your hand fast so you don’t get any blood on the sheet or the cat. Tend to scratches and bleeding. Leave the cat alone for a few minutes so he calms down and retracts his claws. The bed is almost remade and you’ve still got time. Put your first aid supplies on the nightstand. Run a few errands. Return to the bedroom to see if he’s moved.
- Cook dinner, load the dishwasher, and help the kids with their homework. Ask one child to make periodic cat checks just in case he’s ready to make his move but refuses to do so in your presence. After the kids are in bed, sneak up on the cat and run a few fingers over the top sheet to make sure he isn’t dead.
- Apply additional band-aids and antibacterial cream to your hand(s). Take a shower and have a glass of wine. Watch TV. Grab an afghan, a few pillows, and make a bed on the couch. Leap from the couch promptly at 2 a.m. when you hear the cat digging to China in his litter box. Avoid bumping into furniture, as you’ve already got nasty war wounds. Quickly smooth down the top sheet and toss on the quilt. The bed’s done and so are you.
